WRITING
Sharpening Desire: Mars in Scorpio
Last night, as Mars ingressed into Scorpio, I had a dream.
I had come home after a long journey, and there was a party going on in my house. I saw a mix of familiar faces and even more I didn’t know. Exhausted from the long journey, I made a beeline for the stairs to rest in my room.
Not long afterward, some friends came up to see me. “We wanted to see how you were feeling,” they said. “We wanted you to know you’re not alone.” They spread a picnic blanket on my bedroom floor and I joined them, happy to spend time with people I cared about in the intimacy of my own space.
But then I noticed the door was open, and the room was filling up. I saw a couple I had never met before, casually eyeing my books, decor, and personal items.
“I’m sorry,” I said to them, “but I don’t know you. I didn’t invite you in. You need to leave.”
My friends looked a bit shocked at my bluntness and what they perceived as a lack of hospitality. I felt their judgement and began to second-guess myself. But beyond the piece of me that wanted their approval was something deeper, something that said “This is my space, and I decide what happens here. I want what I want, and I will be the creator of my own life.”
And so as the room filled up, I continued to say, “I don’t know you. You need to leave.” To the boys looking for a place to drink and smoke cigarettes. To the former friend I have chosen to have some space from.
And whatever judgements my friends may have had about the summary dismissals, they rolled with it. They stayed.
Mars is known as a strong action-oriented planet with severing, separating qualities. When he is in his masculine fire sign domicile of Aries, that action is directed more outward, into the world at large. When he is in his feminine water sign domicile of Scorpio, that quality is turned inward, to the hidden, more subtle forces at work in our subconscious mind and interpersonal relationships.
We often think of Venus as the planet governing desire, and while Venus plays an essential role, so does Mars. There is no desire without polarity, without the push and pull of wanting and aversion, of fulfillment and deprivation, of assertion and surrender, of separation and union, and Mars is the hard-edged, driving yang to Venus’ soft, yielding yin.
Over the last month, we’ve been spending a lot of time in Scorpio, with the Sun illuminating this shadowy, deeply emotional space, and Mercury retrograde forcing us to slow down and reflect on it.
Mars now asks us to take what we’ve learned and use it to guide us into action. Mars in Scorpio is a time to get clear about what we really want in life and to cut loose anything that is standing in the way. That might be beliefs about who we need to be or how we need to act in order to gain the approval of others. It might be relationships that are sucking us dry. It might be behaviors and habits that keep us mired in misery.
Many religious and spiritual systems teach us to fear desire. It is true that desire, when not made conscious and held with love, care, and respect, tends to come out sideways as cravings, attachments, and addictions, with terrible and destructive effects.
But true desire is the best compass we have to guide us on the journey of our soul’s unfolding. We are each a piece of divine love sent to earth to manifest as something completely, utterly, and brilliantly unique, and our deepest desire is the desire of God herself.
It’s not a straightforward road map. Locating desire requires us to wade through the muck of our fear and shame, Following our desire is a constant attuning and re-calibrating as we work through the layers of ancestry, trauma, karma, and conditioning to find it. Each time we shed a layer, we find ourselves renegotiating our relationship to desire. The things we thought we were chasing after may dissolve into mirage, but if we are paying attention, the time we spend is never wasted.
All the work I do, in my psychic aura readings, natal chart readings, and spiritual coaching, is rooted in this essential belief. I’m always seeking to help people trust their deepest desires and to learn to follow them.
There’s more to say about the transits this week, including the transition to Sagittarius season as the sun leaves Scorpio, and I’ll write more about that either here, or more likely, on Instagram as I try to beef up my presence there.
If you’d like some help deepening into your own desire, you can schedule a session with me via Zoom or in person at Minka Brooklyn.
Keep the Fire Burning: Full Moon Conjunct Vesta in Taurus
This Scorpio season has been intense, starting off with a new moon opposing Uranus, and coinciding with Mercury retrograde in Scorpio. This has given us opportunities to do our shadow work, taking a deeper look at what lies beneath the surface of our own psyche as well as the relationships, systems, and structures we find ourselves embedded in. This week we begin to see a payoff.
On Monday Mercury is cazimi, a word derived from Arabic meaning “in the heart of.” Astrologers say a planet is cazimi when it is “in the heart of the Sun,” i.e., in close conjunction. When a planet is cazimi it is strengthened, vivified by the light and fire of the Sun.
This Mercury retrograde has been slowing us down, forcing us to take a deeper look at why we say and do the things we say and do. On Monday we have an opportunity to speak our truth powerfully using the insight we’ve gleaned. This is a good day to sit down and have that heart to heart, to send the letter you’ve been holding onto, or to write your manifesto.
On Monday night the moon will appear full, culminating on Tuesday morning in the sign of Taurus at 8:33 am EDT. The moon is conjunct the asteroid Vesta, the virgin goddess and keeper of the sacred fire.
In ancient times, each home had a fire in the center of the house that not only was used for cooking and heat, but that symbolized the essential life force that kept the household happy, healthy, and functioning. At the center of town was another sacred fire that represented the unique essence and energy of the city itself and the people who lived there. The Vestal virgins, women dedicated to the goddess, were charged with tending that fire, ensuring it never went out.
We all have a sacred flame within us, a unique spark of divine essence that sustains and illuminates our soul’s purpose. Throughout our lives we will encounter people, environments, oppressive systems, and other influences that will seek to smother and otherwise extinguish the sacred flame. We will also find friends, mentors, communities, and practices that will fan and fuel our inner fire. The difference between the two sides is not always apparent at first glance. Vesta’s task is to discern the difference.
While purity cultures get hung up on a literal meaning of virginity and the supposed defilement of sexuality, the deeper, symbolic meaning of a virgin is one who remains wholly herself, allowing the holy flame to burn bright and uncorrupted by outside influence. Sometimes we may have to withdraw from the world in order to reconnect to that flame and get a better sense of what is serving us well and what is holding us back. For that reason, Vesta has often been seen as representative of a kind of monastic or ascetic archetype.
The purpose of withdrawing from the world, however, is never to lose ourselves in solipsistic isolation. We go to feed our fire so we can return, offering warmth and illumination to our loved ones, communities, and the world at large.
As the moon is illuminated in Taurus, the earthy, fertile, life-loving sign ruled by the love goddess Venus, Vesta reminds us that we each have a unique purpose and gift to offer the world, to make it a more beautiful, pleasurable, and loving home for all beings.The more we do the Sun in Scorpio work of plumbing our inner depths and integrating our shadow, along with the Vestal work of protecting and fueling our inner genius, the more we are able to manifest beauty and abundance and offer it as a gift to others.
On Wednesday, Mercury makes a trine with Neptune in Pisces, bringing an infusion of inspiration into this retrograde period. You may find yourself experiencing intense dreams and visions or having sudden epiphanies, particularly as it relates to past patterns, events, and behaviors..
On Thursday Venus in Sagittarius makes a more tense square with Neptune. Venus may find that her manic pixie dreams for unending JOY! LOVE! ABUNDANCE! dissolve a bit as she has to sort out true higher vision from fantasy and illusion.
Here are some questions to reflect on as you move through the transits this week:
Monday, November 11: Mercury Cazimi (conjunct the Sun
What have I been diving deeper into over the past few weeks? What truths have I learned?
What truths need to be communicated? Is there a bold truth I need to speak or a difficult conversation I need to have? What is the best way to do that?
Tuesday, November 12: Full Moon in Taurus conjunct Vesta
What is the deepest, most essential parts of me that I need to honor and protect?
What gifts am I developing within myself? What nourishes those gifts?
How can I offer my gifts to others? How can I use them to co-create a better world for all of us?
Wednesday, November 13: Mercury in Scorpio trine Neptune in Pisces (both retrograde)
Can I look for those “aha” moments of insight today? Pay attention to my dreams? Listen to my intuition?
Thursday, November 14: Venus in Sagittarius trine Neptune in Pisces
What beautiful things have I been excited about creating and manifesting in my life these past few week?
Where have I gotten ahead of myself? Where has my excitement outpaced my practical reality?
Can I find a way to feed my optimism while keeping my feet on the ground?
I’m offering two free readings this week in exchange for some feedback. Click the button below for more info.
I offer astrology, psychic readings and healings, and spiritual coaching in person at MINKA in Brroklyn, NY, or via Zoom
Gratitude for Anxiety
Several years ago, I started experiencing severe anxiety attacks.
I was working as a critical care nurse at a huge hospital in Los Angeles, floating to a different unit every day, never really getting to know the people or patients I was working with.
The hospital had developed a very oppressive, micromanaging culture, was pushing nurses to do more than any human could reasonably be capable of, and punishing us when we fell behind. It’s no wonder I was panicking.
The thought of going into work each day made me want to vomit. I began to fear I might have a nervous breakdown, and had the thought that a week or two in a psych ward might actually be preferable to my job. As a teenager, I had been depressed and despondent to the point of feeling suicidal, and was worried I might return there.
Fortunately, I came across the work of Dr. Bruce Levine, and read his book, Surviving America’s Depression Epidemic. For me depression and anxiety had always gone hand in hand, anxiety causing me to despair and eventually become numb.
In Levine’s book, for the first time, I heard an alternative narrative of mental illness. I learned that my depression and anxiety were not simply the result of a malfunctioning brain, or an inability to adapt to the responsibilities of adulthood, but that they were a result of a sustained assault on my autonomy, dignity, purpose, and connection to others from a consumerist, individualist, authoritarian culture. I was experiencing a very normal response to intolerable conditions.
I knew that rather than finding a way to cope with the conditions I was living under, I had to plot my escape. I began to search for a way to live that would nourish me rather than bleed me dry.
The truth was, that while this new job in LA was one of the most stressful jobs I had worked, my anxiety had been building long before that. I would wake up in the middle of the night, heart pounding, having dreamt of apocalypse and nuclear explosions. My stomach had become so acidic I felt constant nausea, had been losing weight, and had to stop drinking coffee.
I knew that I was deeply stressed and unfulfilled in the line of work I had chosen, but I didn’t know what else I wanted or was able to do. The money I made was good, and it kept me in a nice apartment on the west side, not far from the beaches of Venice and Santa Monica.
But I also knew, deep in the throes of panic and despair, that I had to choose between the soft imprisonment of that comfort, and my life.
So I decided to take some drastic steps. I moved into an intentional community of spiritually oriented organizers and activists on the east side of the city. I figured if I didn’t want to be bound to comfort, I needed to be around those who were living more simply and orienting around alternative values. I took a job at a nursing agency where I could make my own schedule, choosing to work less to free up space to consider other avenues. I haven’t worked full time in health care since.
I made big dinners for the parties and meditation groups we hosted at the house. I became more politically engaged. I completed a spiritual direction program. Eventually, I moved on and continued what I’ve called my “going to Hogwart’s” phase, studying intuitive development, energy healing, and astrology. I began to intuit my own life’s purpose, and learned tools that taught me to still my mind, trust my inner wisdom, and deepen my capacity for change and transformation.
While my life since then hasn’t been easy, without heartbreak, or completely free of anxiety and despair, I’ve learned some vital things that have helped me through it all. One, that for me, life is not worth living if I am not aligning with my deep desire and purpose. Two, I can handle a lot of difficulty if I’m doing the first thing, and that something bigger than me will have my back. And three, anxiety and despair are usually pretty good indicators that I’m not doing the first thing and that something needs to come back into alignment. I’ve learned to hold the intensity of my difficult feelings and move through them by allowing them to do their work.
I realize that mental illness is very complex, more easily treated for some than others. I’ve been fortunate to have a lot of great therapists and other mental health providers along my journey, and while I have tried to stay away from psychotropic medications after being on quite a few in my 20’s, I understand that for some they can be lifesavers. My decision to tell this story was inspired by many of my friends and clients who have been struggling with anxiety recently, including my friend Mike, who shares his story here.
The causes and treatments of mental illness are multifaceted, and the solutions are not easy, but I do know this: Our current social, cultural, political, and economic systems are big factors.
While I am not averse to the ideas of marketplace or exchange per se (obviously this newsletter has a marketing purpose), we live in a culture where we have been taught to get our essential needs and desires met through an exploitative marketplace at the expense of our relationships to spirit, the earth, to one another, and even to ourselves. We are taught from childhood to give pieces of our souls away every day in order to belong, and in return we are receiving less in actual wages, continued assaults on our civil rights and most devastatingly, the destruction of our earth and our ability to sustain human life on this planet.
Any approach that does not acknowledge these systems and address the injuries they inflict on the spirit and soul as well as the body and brain is incomplete. And while I know many mental health practitioners who do attend to these things, from my own experience as both a patient and a health care provider, that far too many do not.
The journey toward mental wellness for all has to begin with addressing the profound spiritual bankruptcy at the heart of our racist, sexist, classist, imperialist, capitalist system that degrades the web of relationality that binds us together. And it has to begin in each of us, as we support one another on our own unique journeys toward wholehearted living.
My own journey is leading me to let my nursing career go, as I pursue building a thriving business around this new healing work full time. It’s scary, like any kind of change is. I have to put myself out there in a way I never have before. But I know the rewards will be worth it. The opportunity to spend my time doing work that nourishes me and others. The ability to get arrested fighting climate change, something I’ve been afraid to do for fear of jeopardizing my nursing license. The chance to develop financial stability, pay off debt, and invest more deeply in building intentional, wholehearted community. I’m grateful for the difficult emotions and experiences, like anxiety, that have pointed the way here.
I share these kinds of thoughts in my weekly newsletter, along with astrological transit reports. If you’d like more, sign up below.
Dragging Our Feet On The Way To Liberation: Mars in Libra Squares Pluto in Capricorn
This week starts off with Mars about two-thirds into his trek through Libra, where he is in what astrologers call detriment or exile. A planet in detriment is in a sign where they are forced to act against their essential nature.
Mars is the planet of action and assertion. Mars likes to make things happen and get them done NOW. But when Mars is in Venus’ harmonious, equilibrium-loving sign of Libra, his natural impulse to action is weighed down in endless prevarication. Mars is forced to slow down and consider the consequences and other possibilities, to the point where he may find himself overwhelmed and unable to move. When Mars in Libra finally does move to act, it’s often because things have built to such a head that he has no choice. As a result, that action is often a day late and a dollar short, more reactive than proactive, and less potent in the end.
People with a natal Mars in Libra (ahem, yours truly) often find that they are unconsciously creating crises, provoking arguments, and manifesting chaos so they will finally be forced to do something. That’s not to say that a Mars in Libra is never Mars-like, that is, assertive or forceful, rather, that when Mars’s assertiveness does come out it is often lacking awareness or counterproductive.
The challenge of Mars in Libra is to learn to take action in conscious, proactive ways, in the service of the Libran agenda of harmony, beauty, and justice. When something in his life needs to shift or change, the buried action potential of Mars in Libra will start to boil and bubble beneath the surface, creating a sort of low-level thrum of dread and anxiety. As that impulse to action is suppressed and ignored, it becomes stronger, building a head of steam, preparing to erupt and creating panic and terror for the individual.
I speak from personal experience. But whether or not you have this natal placement, we all have times when we can identify with this Mars in Libra dynamic. You may have Mars in Aries rising and crush your goals on a daily basis, but I guarantee there is some area of your life (and chart) where you resist action. The challenge for anybody experiencing this resistance and stuckness is to learn to recognize those inner rumblings of dread and anxiety as a call to action in the areas of your life where you are resisting change.
On Tuesday, May 5, Mars squares Pluto in Capricorn. Pluto, the planet of the underworld, asks us to die so we can be reborn. Pluto asks us to revisit our trauma so it can be healed. Pluto asks us to get real about the shadowy, unloved parts of ourselves so we can reclaim and put them to good use. This work is never easy, and we tend to avoid it if we can.
Mars in Libra squaring Pluto in Capricorn might look like you unconsciously triggering a crisis that forces you to examine the foundations of all you have built. Have you ever tossed off a seemingly innocuous comment to a loved one that upon further examination was deeply passive-aggressive? Did that comment trigger a huge fight that caused you to question the stability of your relationship? Did it force you to look at some painful truths about yourself? When we get ourselves into these kinds of situations, we have an opportunity to slow down, to grow and to heal our unconscious patterns. That’s the kind of energy this transit brings.
Of course the Sun is still in Scorpio, and Mercury is still retrograde in Scorpio, so our unconscious material is being highlighted anyway. The more we learn to accept and utilize these transits as they come (rather than blaming all our misfortunes on them), the easier time we have of it.
On Friday, November 8, the Sun moves into a trine with a retrograde Neptune in Pisces. Neptune represents visions of peaceful bliss, both real and delusional. It represents the ways in which we allow our egoic boundaries to dissolve into another- whether a partner, a social group, or the divine. While this can be profoundly illuminating, bringing us into a state of nondual awareness, it can also be profoundly disempowering, siphoning off the essential life force and will we are given to accomplish our purpose in life into fantasy, illusion, and spiritual bypassing.
Trines are generally harmonious aspects, and with the awareness we have been developing this Scorpio season, we can expect a gentle and helpful illumination of our escapist tendencies. We can use this transit to release the scales from our eyes and recommit to the dreams and visions that are in alignment with our highest path and purpose.
Here are this week’s questions for reflection:
Tuesday, November 5: Mars in Libra square Pluto in Capricorn
Where do I avoid taking action in my life?
When I am avoiding something, how does it feel in my body? What emotions do I associate with these sensations? Can I use these emotions and sensations to alert me to my patterns of avoidance
What kinds of situations do I find myself experiencing over and over again that generally force me to take action? Can I see how I have a role in creating these situations?
What needs to die right now in my life? A relationship? A pattern? An identity?
Can I take one proactive step toward letting that thing go? Can I trust that I will feel better on the other side of this process?
Friday, November 8: Sun in Scorpio trine Neptune in Pisces
What dreams and fantasies do I tend to escape into when I’m feeling stressed or avoiding action?
In what way to I give my power away to others by not holding clear and conscious boundaries in my life?
What is the vision that I have for my life that these escapist and disempowering patterns keep me from achieving?
How can I recommit to this deeply important and purposeful vision?
You Say You Want a Revolution: New Moon in Scorpio Opposing Uranus in Taurus
Continuing the Scorpio themes from last week, this week’s transits are Scorpio heavy, starting off with a new moon in Scorpio and ending with Mercury retrograde in Scorpio.
The darkness of the new moon represents that which is hidden, concealed, not yet realized or manifested. Because of this, the new moon has always been a time for inner reflection, clarifying desires, purifying by releasing what no longer serves, and setting new intentions for something to grow.
Because this new moon is in Scorpio, the sign of hidden, shadowy things, Sunday offers us a kind of double shot of darkness. Darkness is an interesting thing. It’s where we go to rest, and indeed, the new moon is associated with periods of rest and dormancy. But it’s also where we go to hide when we don’t want the truth to be seen, when we’re up to no good, and where we go to confront our demons and deepest fears. Scorpio, being ruled by Mars, is not a restful kind of darkness. Scorpio is always up to something.
This new moon arrives in a perfect opposition to Uranus in Taurus. Over the next six years, Uranus is bringing upheaval and change to the pleasure-oriented, stability-loving earth sign of Taurus. Uranus likes to make big shifts and is associated with revolutions. When Uranus first ingressed into Taurus in May of 2018, we saw it manifested in a very literal way as volcanoes erupted in Hawaii.
On the political stage, the past year and a half has brought an increasing awareness of the ways our consumption-oriented, pleasure-loving western lifestyle is literally destroying the earth. As Trump doubles down on oil extraction and Bolsanaro rips up the rainforest in Brazil, they exemplify the shadow side of Uranus in Taurus… a literal upheaval in the earth, bulldozers and drills pulling up all that is beautiful, bountiful, and nourishing, that which sustains our life and breath and well-being, and laying it to waste.
But movements like Fridays for the Future, Extinction Rebellion, and Sunrise have brought climate change into the headlines on a daily basis through disruptive, transgressive protest tactics, forcing us to examine the things we cling to for pleasure and stability, like our endless consumption of cheap, disposable goods and fossil fuels. Uranus in Taurus may not be pretty, but it brings the potential for true, lasting progress and change, if we learn how to harness its energy.
There are a lot of things we grow up believing will keep us safe and happy- money, beauty, acclaim- that are no substitute for the security that comes from tapping into the Divine Truth within. Materiality- food, water, shelter, sensual and embodied pleasure- are important. We need to value those things. But when we value material comfort and security at the expense of our own souls, the universe will find a way to shake the ground under our feet so we can learn to ride the rolling seismic waves. That’s the power of Uranus in Taurus. Uranus doesn’t want us to stay stuck- it wants us to leap forward, and will do whatever it takes to make that happen.
If you’re working in a career that pays you well but drains you of energy and purpose, Uranus in Taurus might get you fired. If you’re in a relationship with someone who is attractive and successful and seems perfect “on paper,” but can’t hold and nourish the full complexity of who you are, Uranus in Taurus will find a way to break you up.
On the other hand, ascetic types who tend to deny their materiality may find Uranus in Taurus comes to hold them to account for rejecting their embodied needs. Being in a body is painful, traumatic, and difficult, and it’s easy to want to escape into the transcendent spiritual realms. But as spirits, we have chosen to incarnate in the material world, and that incarnation serves a purpose. We have a responsibility to work through what is painful, embrace the joy and pleasure of being human, and make our spiritual ideals of love, harmony, and oneness real by embodying them here on earth. This requires us to work with, and not against, our embodiment.
If you’re one of these people, Uranus in Taurus might look like a scandalous lust that forces you to own your neglected desire. It might look like an illness that forces you to acknowledge that you haven’t been caring for your body. These are your opportunities to make a revolutionary leap forward.
The New Moon in Scorpio opposing Uranus in Taurus is stirring up all kinds of shit. Saturday’s square between Mars and Saturn that I talked about last week is still in effect on Sunday, and may amp up the already considerable pressure of this new moon. But the good thing is that this is an opportunity for a big release, a letting go of psychic, spiritual, and emotional gunk that’s weighing us down. Keeping your body still despite the turmoil within and taking time to reflect and ask yourself what wants to be purged can help you get the most out of this time.
On Wednesday evening, Oct 30th, Venus and Mercury conjunct in Scorpio, right before Mercury goes retrograde on Halloween. It’s almost as if Venus is kissing, blessing Mercury before sending him back to retrace his steps, while she moves on to Sagittarius on Nov 1st. It’s a great time to send an important letter, email, or other form of communication before Mercury changes course.
When Mercury, planet of learning, communication, business, and other forms of energy exchange goes retrograde, it tends to throw a wrench in the daily working of our modern lives that are so dependent on the smooth flow of information. Mercury is moving backwards through the sign of Scorpio over the next three weeks, asking us to slow down and think before we speak (or send that text). When things go wrong- your phone can’t get a signal, or your computer crashes, or you get your signals crossed with someone you care about, it’s a great time to ask yourself if there’s something to be learned. The more you can laugh and go with the flow- or lack thereof- during Mercury retrograde, the better. At the very least, it’s an opportunity to learn patience, persistence, and equanimity.
Venus moves out of her detriment in Scorpio and into the more freedom-loving, expansive territory of Sagittarius on Friday. Venus in Sagittarius is like a woman who just got out of an obsessive, jealous relationship who decides to take a long road trip to find adventure and freedom. She wants to learn and grow, meet new people and experience new things. The part of your chart that contains Sagittarius should experience some harmony and optimism as Venus moves through.
Here are some questions to help you reflect on the transits this week:
Sunday, October 27: New Moon in Scorpio opposing Uranus in Taurus:
How are my foundations being rocked right now?
What is it illuminating for me?
Is there something that keeps me feeling secure and comfortable that’s no longer working?
Are there attachments and old beliefs I need to let go of?
Spend some time journaling on these questions. If you’d like, you can ritualize this by lighting a candle and making a list of all the things you want to release. Light the paper on fire (in a fire-safe bowl), and take the ashes and spread them around a tree or plant that is special to you, to nourish your intention to grow something new.
Wednesday, October 30: Venus conjunct Mercury in Scorpio:
What have I been wanting to say that has been left unsaid?
Who have I been wanting to reach out to?
Whether this conversation is potentially difficult or not, find a way to cultivate as much love and compassion as you can and make the connection.
Thursday, Oct 31-Nov 20: Mercury turns retrograde in Scorpio
How and when do I tend to speak before thinking?
Can I learn to hold my tongue and spend some time reflecting on myself and the situation before speaking or jumping to conclusions?
What happens when I do this?
When signals get crossed and miscommunications occur, can I cultivate some humor and trust that all these annoyances, by forcing me to slow down and reflect, are teaching me to connect and communicate more meaningfully?
Keep asking yourself these questions over the next three weeks.
Friday, Nov 1- Nov 26: Venus in Sagittarius
How have I felt stuck or weighed down when it comes to my relationships over the past several weeks?
Can I find a sense of opening and freedom?
Can I trust that opportunities to find love, beauty, and harmony in old and new relationships are presenting themselves to me?
Look for these opportunities over the next 3 ½ weeks.
If you need an energetic cleanout, my psychic readings and healings are perfect. If you’d like more insight into your natal chart, I offer astrology readings You can learn more here.
Scorpio Season: Into Darkness
On Wednesday, Oct 23, the Sun enters Scorpio, the sign associated with all things dark and hidden. It’s no coincidence that this happens every year right before Halloween, All Hallows, Samhain. The ancients derived the symbolism of the signs from that of the seasons. As we move toward the winter solstice, the darkest point of the year, and the earth begins to grow cold, causing plants to die off and animals to hibernate, their attention naturally turned toward death and the underworld.
Scorpio is a sign known for emotional intensity, particularly when those emotions are the ones most of us would rather not feel. While the rest of us pretend not to be jealous, angry, and vindictive, Scorpio just laughs and asks us why we’re so wrapped up in the latest Netflix soap. Scorpio knows we all live for drama and would prefer to be honest about it. Ruled by blunt, aggressive Mars, Scorpio likes to get to the point.
Scorpio is fascinated by the things we try to hide, whether it’s dark emotions, occult knowledge, or secret machinations. Is it any wonder that we celebrate the thing we most try to hide and hide from, Death itself, during Scorpio season?
Scorpio can, no doubt, get lost in the underworld muck, becoming fascinated with intensity, drama, and mystery to the point of addiction and annihilation. But Scorpio, a fertile water sign, reminds us that all the dark, nasty stuff we bury underground composts and becomes rich soil for something new to grow. What looks like a tomb may in fact be a womb.
A few days before the Sun changes signs, on October 21 and 22, Venus, who has been in Scorpio since October 8th, makes a trine to Neptune in Pisces. Venus is never happy in Scorpio, as this love, beauty, and harmony-oriented planet is forced to deal with the not so-pretty aspects of life and relationships. Venus in Scorpio is like a lover who reaches the point in her relationship when she realizes her beloved has stinky farts, or terrible rage issues- or worse, that she has those problems. Venus in Scorpio can also be associated with dark or obsessive and possessive love. Making a trine to the dreamy, imaginative Neptune in Pisces can temporarily lift her spirits and pull her out of the mud, as this is a time of heightened sensitivity and vision, and she may begin to see a way out of the Scorpio swamp.
On the 26th, Mars, who has been sitting frustrated in Venus’ home sign of Libra, makes a square to Saturn in Capricorn. In Libra the bold, aggressive Mars is forced to slow down and weigh the pros and cons of his actions. Libra is all about balance and harmony, which Mars couldn’t care less about. Mars in Libra is like a bully who’s been sent to detention to sit and think about what he’s done. Saturn in Capricorn is like a stern old teacher who wants these damn kids to sit down, do their work, and learn. When Mars squares Saturn, he’s like a troublemaker testing the teacher’s limits. Mars may have some good ammunition— spitballs, jokes, sick burns— but Saturn in Capricorn is in the position of power and will have the last word.
Here are some questions to ask yourself as we move through the transits this week:
Monday (21st) and Tuesday (22nd) Venus trine Neptune:
How have I been frustrated in finding beauty, harmony, and love in my life? In my friendships and relationships? Is this something I need to learn to accept? Or something I need to change? Can I receive a new vision for what is possible in these areas of my life?
Wednesday (23rd) Sun moves into Scorpio:
How do I relate to my own dark, intense emotions? Do I like to bury and hide them? If so, can I learn to trust and accept that they exist for a purpose? What do I think that purpose might be?
If I tend to wallow in my darker emotions or unload them onto others with my bluntness and aggression, how’s that working for me? How can I honor and respect them without getting stuck or hurting others?
Saturday (26th) Mars square Saturn:
Where am I feeling aggression or tension right now? Am I the aggressor? If so, can I step back and take some time to consider whether my actions are really the best way to get what I need and want? If someone’s causing trouble for me, can I hold steady, focus on my tasks at hand, and trust that this irritation will pass?
Healing the Warrior: Full Moon in Aries
The moon, because it is so close to the earth, has more influence on our day-to-day lives and emotions than any of the other planets, and yet, because it moves through the zodiac so quickly, those influences are constantly shifting and fluctuating. When the moon is full those influences are felt more deeply, and the areas of our chart the moon is illuminating offer the greatest opportunities for reflection and growth.
This Sunday, at 5:07 pm Eastern Time, the full moon lands in the cardinal fire sign Aries, the sign of the Ram, ruled by Mars, God of War. Aries likes to charge into battle, ready to fight whether it’s needed or not. At its worst, Aries is impetuous, aggressive, and irritable, quick on the draw whether they understand the situation or not. Aries can be a bully, domineering and controlling. But a wise, refined Aries becomes the archetype of a spiritual warrior, passionate, dedicated, and willing to fight for what they believe in.
This full moon is especially potent because it’s making two powerful aspects to the degree. The first is a square to Pluto in Capricorn. “If you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you,” begins the famous aphorism from the gnostic Gospel of Thomas. That sounds nice enough, until we get to the kicker- “If you do not bring forth what is within you, what is within you will destroy you.”
Pluto is the planet that drags us into the depths of our shadow and asks us to bring forth what is within us. Easier said than done, for our shadow is where we hide all the unloved, unwanted parts of ourselves. To face the shadow means we must face our deepest fears, our deepest shame, our deepest wounds, and our deepest heartbreaks. Transits from Pluto may ask you to get honest about your addictions and compulsions. They may bring you back to the scene of some great trauma, so can learn to rewire your nervous system. Pluto may force you to stare into the face of your deepest fear so you can finally see it for the smoke and mirrors it is.
This journey into the underworld of our own psyche is not an easy one. But it’s how we search for our own buried treasure. Pluto teaches us that the things we are most ashamed, afraid of, and burdened by can become our greatest gifts- the medicine we have to offer the world. Pluto may drag us to hell, but he brings us back up again for a rebirth.
A Pluto square to the moon in Aries intensifies inflamed, unsettled emotions. But it also gives us a chance to go deeper, to ask hard questions, and transform our relationship to our inner warrior. Pluto square the Full Moon is a profound opportunity for healing, if we choose to take it.
The other aspect, a trine from Jupiter in Sagittarius, is an easier one. Jupiter in Sag is a benevolent wise one at the height of his powers. Jupiter loves to spread abundance and joy, and if he can sometimes tend toward excess and overindulgence, this trine brings out the best, giving you access to your own inner stores of wisdom, faith, and optimism, even in the midst of turmoil.
In these times we’re living in, when fear and uncertainty are rocking us to our core, we are being asked to own up to the painful truth of our collective folly. The sacrilege of racism, sexism and all other forms of bigotry, the terrible damage our extractive capitalist consumption has wrought on the earth, not to mention our own psyches and bodies. Some are responding to this by doubling down on the foolishness of nationalism, fascism, and unrepentant greed. But many of us are hearing a call to something deeper.
The full moon is always a time of intense emotions. But the thing I’ve learned about emotions is simply this: emotions are powerful energy that need a direction. This is especially true of anger, the emotion that Aries is most associated with. When I indulge my emotions, allowing my anger to flow at every minor irritation or annoyance, that energy is dissipated and wasted. When I suppress my anger, denying its existence, I let it boil under the surface, building a head of steam until it erupts, destroying everything in its path.
But when I stop to reflect and ask myself, what is this about?, I discover that at its core, anger is just passion. And I can choose to cultivate and direct that powerful energy of passion to remove the things that no longer serve me, and take action to create and connect to those that will.
I do the work I do- psychic readings and healings, natal chart readings, and spiritual direction/guidance- because I believe that each and every one of us has unique gifts to offer the world during this time of transition, what has been called The Great Turning, as we struggle to find a way out of the collective mess we’re in and into a way of living that is more grounded, wholehearted, and life-sustaining. Whether you’re a brilliant theorist, strategist, artist, poet, teacher, musician, communicator, organizer, healer, facilitator, builder, resource manager...whatever it is, we need it, and I want to assist you in heeding the call of your own soul.
To choose to bring forth the gift that is within you, to nurture and cultivate it, to protect it, to fearlessly offer it to the rest of us, is the act of a true spiritual warrior.
Growth and Movement: Horoscopes for the week of May 28, 2019
As I’ve followed the dance of the planets through the ballroom of the sky, I’ve come to understand how the ancients related to them as gods… not the supreme being, exactly, but the masks that Oneness wears as it descends toward earth. They are essential divine energies, personified, here to teach and relate to us.
This week is all about Venus, goddess of love and beauty, and Mercury, the fast, flexible, genderqueer god of communication and exchange. Both planets are concerned with the connections we make to others and to the world around us- Venus through the heart, and Mercury through the mind. Both are currently in signs of their rulership, meaning they are in prime position to wield influence and achieve their aims.
Venus in her feminine earth sign of Taurus, where she will be until June 9, is at her fertility goddess best, like Inanna, her Mesopotamian predecessor. Inanna or Ishtar is the earliest source for the Venus archetype and was famous for descending into the underworld, having been brought low and stripped of her possessions, and emerging triumphant on the other side, a journey that is represented in Venus’ transition from morning star to evening star and back again. Venus in Taurus longs to make beautiful green things grow, to nourish our bodies and souls with an abundance of blessings. She is here to root and stabilize us in all that is lovely and good.
One of Hildegard’s visions, of a flourishing, fertile earth.
In many ways, Venus in Taurus brings to mind Hildegard of Bingen, the medieval abbess who is a particular obsession of mine. Hildegard, in an echo of the Inanna story, was sent to a men’s monastery at the age of eight with another young woman to become an anchorite, a kind of nun that was bricked up in a cell nestled into the earth, meant only to pray and never to leave. At some point Hildegard was able to escape this living death to become the leader of her own flourishing community of nuns. She became a prolific writer, composer, and speaker as well as being an accomplished herbalist and healer. She shared trippy mystical visions and prophecies she received from God, visions that almost got her branded a heretic but seem remarkably insightful in our time. She wrote often of Viriditas, what she called “the greening power” of life, that which makes all things grow and flourish, and what we might today recognize as chi. Her deep love of the earth, and belief in its power to nourish and heal the body, heart, and soul comes through in her writing. She praised beauty, allowing the sisters at her abbey to wear their hair down and uncovered, adorned with flowers, in defiance of social norms. Though as a nun, she lived a life of un-venuslike chastity, her attitude toward sexuality was positive and generous for her time, and she likely committed the first description of the female orgasm to writing.
David Bowie, channelling Mercury
Mercury, the messenger of the gods, is in their masculine air sign of Gemini. The rest of the seven classical planets are organized into day and night sects, meaning they are stronger in a nighttime chart and play better with the moon as leader, or vice versa with the daytime and sun, but Mercury plays for both teams. While we have four masculine planets and two female (ancient Greeks weren’t know for their commitment to gender equity), Mercury can present as male or female depending on the situation.
Mercury in Gemini likes to move. Have you ever seen a statue of a young Greek god with wings on their sandals? That’s Mercury, who was constantly zooming about carrying messages from the Gods to us. Mercury bridges worlds, drawing connections between unfamiliar and disconnected ideas and paradigms, ultimately weaving the matrix that illuminates the whole. Because of this flexibility and connectivity, Mercury rules communication, commerce and business, intellectual pursuits, and in modern times seems to have quite the affinity for technology.
Remember The Matrix? That was quite the mercurial movie, with characters zipping around between worlds, taking on new forms, and mapping the technological connections that held it all together. Like any power exemplified by the planets, connectivity can be used for good or ill. In the story of the Matrix, a web of illusion had been woven that kept humans in bondage. Neo, Morpheus, Trinity, and the rest were building new connections, racing against time to share their message of liberation, to wake people up. Mercury in Gemini is powerful- the question is, what are we using that power for?
Today, both Venus and Mercury begin to engage Neptune in Pisces. Neptune is dreamy, fantastical, visionary...and yet somewhat ephemeral and illusory. Like Hildegard’s mystical visions, Neptune can give us powerful intimations of the future and expand our ideas of what is possible. Like the Matrix, Neptune can trap us in a glittering web of illusion, enchanting us for a time, only to dissolve and fall apart. Venus is moving into a sextile with Neptune, a helpful aspect, and Mercury into a square, a more tense aspect. Both transits perfect, meaning they make exact angles to the degree, on Thursday, and move out on Friday and Saturday.
Venus and Neptune are asking us to expand our vision for what is possible. What does it mean to nourish and nurture and trust in what is good and true and beautiful? Can we extend that vision past the boundaries of our own desires and needs to include others, our fellow humans, the earth itself? Mercury sounds a note of warning, reminding us that what might be a dream to one person can be a nightmare for someone else. Mercury asks us to draw connections between what is seen and unseen, what is real and not yet realized, but at the same time warns us not to get carried away by our fantasies. Mercury wants us to be discerning.
On Friday, Mercury and Venus continue to make moves. Venus perfects a trine to Saturn in his rulership in Capricorn, a transit that begins Wednesday and continues through June 3rd. During this time Saturn and Venus can work together, Venus supplying the love, desire, and hope required to bring something beautiful to fruition, and Saturn supplying the discipline and commitment needed to build something of lasting value. Retrograde Saturn is dragging his feet, though, so don’t expect this to be a particularly productive time- that will come later.
Mercury perfects an opposition to Jupiter, another planet in rulership in the fire sign of Sagittarius, a transit that lasts from Wednesday to Saturday. Jupiter in Sag loves abundance, generosity, and expansion, but is currently retrograde, reviewing some of his choices over the past few months. Jupiter loves to go big or go home, but this opposition with Mercury is reminding us that staying small and nimble can allow for greater flexibility. Jupiter wants all the things and Mercury is reminding us of the creative joy that comes from learning to make do with what is available to us. On the other hand, Mercury wants to move fast, and Jupiter is asking to slow down and find time for integration.
If you know your rising sign, you will probably find that horoscope most relevant, as it will more accurately reflect the house positions in your natal chart. But if not, you should still find some resonance with your sun sign reading.
Aries Sun and Rising
Mercury in your 3rd house wants to increase the scope of your communication and build connection with your neighbors, siblings, and others close to home. This is a great time to write, speak, share your perspective, and get to know the people around you. You’re in a period of spiritual and intellectual growth, and maybe you’ve even had visions of burning down your mundane life to become a monk, or yogi, or to travel the world expanding your mind. Those visions may be more illusion than anything, and while you can certainly create space for some of that in your life, Mercury is here to pull you back to the earthly realm. You may be experiencing a shake up in your career right now, but Venus is helping to bring some growth and stability to how you earn your money.
Taurus Sun and Rising
Mercury in your second house has lots of ideas for expanding your personal wealth, while Jupiter in the eighth want to do the slower and steadier work of expanding material resources for all the people close to you. This may cause some tension- Jupiter says, let’s use this money to pay off debt or invest in a home! Mercury says, why don’t I invest it in something that promises a quick return? Leaning on like-minded friends to offer perspective can help you puncture the veil of illusion and see what’s meant to last and what’s just a flash in the pan. With Venus, your ruling planet, in the first house, you’ve got a sense of joyous ease and growth to your life that’s making all the difficult spiritual lessons you’ve learned in the past year or so worthwhile.
Gemini Sun and Rising
The astrology this week is hitting your major houses of self, relationships, and career. You may find yourself struggling with someone you are close to who wants to slow down and take stock of things while you want to go, go, go. You have big dreams and visions for what you might achieve in this life, but it’s easy to get carried away with them. Only time and discernment will tell which dreams are meant to inspire you and which are drawing you off course. Don’t be afraid to take some alone time to connect with what really feeds you. Time spent appreciating the beauty in life can help you attune to what really matters.
Cancer Sun and Rising
With Mercury in your 12th house, you may find yourself getting distracted by constant activity, ideas, and chatter- though even these times of getting pulled away from our intentions have their purpose. You may feel an opposing impulse to slow down and pay attention to how all this is affecting your body and your health- with Jupiter in your sixth house this year, you have an opportunity for greater physical health and healing, and you don’t want to pass that by. Tapping into your spiritual imagination can help you to find some balance, and working together with partners and friends to ask what creates joy and nourishment for all of you will create stability.
Leo Sun and Rising
With Mercury in your 11th house, you’re excited by the possibility of activity and connection with friends and comrades in arms this week, but there’s a competing pull to slow down and feed the fires of your own creativity. Take a look at what you hope to gain from collaborations with others- are your hopes realistic? Do your collaborations feed your own joy and creativity or suck you dry? You have a tendency to work hard, but Venus and Saturn are asking you to slow down for pleasure, love, and beauty to nourish your career and work life.
Virgo Sun and Rising
That age old tug of war, between work and family, are hitting you hard this week. With Mercury in your 10th house, you may be excited about lots of new ideas and possibilities. But there are days you just want to stay at home, relax, and tend the home fires. Connecting with a close friend or significant other who can offer a different perspective might help you to find the balance between staying rooted and reaching for the stars. Venus and Saturn remind you that spirituality, pleasure, creativity, and work can go hand in hand.
Libra Sun and Rising
With Mercury in your 9th and Jupiter in the 3rd, you may feel a tension between your spiritual and intellectual ideals vs the simple pleasures of family and community. You have so many ideas about the way things ought to be, but the people in your everyday life are asking you to accept things as they are. Integrating ideals with reality takes a lot of hard work, and it’s easy to become disillusioned. Let that disillusionment be the beginning of true vision. Remember that Mercury is the archetype of the Tarot Magician, who brings the power of heaven down to earth. While you’ve experienced some upheaval in your home life and sense of groundedness in recent months, your ruling planet, Venus, is helping to create stability.
Scorpio Sun and Rising
Mercury in the 8th is creating opportunities for you when it comes to shared resources- perhaps bringing new business partnerships or ideas for getting out of debt. You may feel a tension around how much you share versus how much you keep for yourself. Venus in the seventh is bringing a nurturing, growth-oriented perspective to your relationships. Tapping into your joy and creativity can help you strike the right balance between self and other. Ultimately, the growth and expansion you’ve experienced this year with Jupiter in your house of personal finances will help you to create opportunity and abundance for others.
Sagittarius Sun and Rising
This year has been all about expansion and growth for you personally, with Jupiter bringing his fertile, generous, magnanimous energy to your first house of self. Mercury in your 7th house wants to connect and move, and you may be feeling pressure from a partner or close friend to take action or make decisions about relationships, but Jupiter wants to slow down and reflect right now. Looking to your dreams and visions for a home life and connecting to your roots and family may help you find integration. Venus brings a sweet, nourishing ease to your health and work life this week, and this helps to support the work you are doing to build your wealth and resources.
Capricorn Sun and Rising
Mercury in your 6th house of illness and work asks you to take action around healing your body and your relationship to work. Your tendency to focus on the positive can sometimes be your undoing, and this is the time to slow down and focus on what doesn’t feel so good, and what needs to shift. Leaning into the support of your family and community can help you during this time, but be careful you don’t let their ideas and agendas supplant your own. Your sense of self and life’s purpose has been shaken in the last year or so, but Venus in your fifth house of creativity is here to re-awaken your sense of joy and pleasure .
Aquarius Sun and Rising
You are full of joyful energy and creative ideas right now with Mercury and the Sun in your fifth house. This year has been great for meeting friends and comrades who align with your ideals and ambitions for expansion and growth, but you may find yourself out of sync with them at the moment. Remember that true wealth is not just about money- it’s about the people that nourish us and the ability to see new possibilities when things get out of whack. Trust your intuition over your craving. You may have experienced some loneliness or disappointment in the last several months, but Venus is here to nourish and ground you.
Pisces Sun and Rising
Mercury in your fourth house is bringing a restless energy and new ideas to your home and family life. You might be feeling the itch to move, redecorate, or simply shift some of the dynamics in your family relationships. While Jupiter has bought some generous, growth-minded energy to your career and reputation this year, it might not be enough to support the changes you want to make, either financially or time-wise. You are dreamy and intuitive, but it can be easy to get lost in the clouds with Neptune in your first house of self. Take some time to discern between what’s fantasy and what’s real vision, and make sure the moves you want to make support the latter. Venus and Saturn are working to stabilize your network of loving relationships right now.
Troubled Waters: Full Moon in Scorpio and Mercury Cazimi
The ancients saw the moon as the universal Goddess, the Mother, ruling our bodies, emotions, and daily life- the world of materiality, its ebbs and flows, cycles of growth, death, and rebirth. Full moons are times of ripening and culmination. The seeds we plant, both good and bad, bear fruit during this time.
Several years ago, I was living in Los Angeles during a particularly difficult time in my life. I would often take long walks at night through my Echo Park neighborhood, around the lake ringed with palm trees. I would watch the moon slowly fill out, growing a bit larger each night, til it came to perfect fullness. I had a sense I was being witnessed and accompanied as my own currents of emotion and understanding waxed and waned. On the nights the moon shone bright in a perfect sphere, I felt a pulsing aliveness coursing through my body.
I was in a place at that point in my life where I felt as though I was both too much and not enough. Too emotional, too sensitive, too angry, not accomplished, not compliant, not disciplined...the list felt endless. But under the light of the moon, I received a different message. I heard that everything had its purpose, and would ripen in its own time. The Moon, that ancient symbol of Goddess, of Mother, held me in her gentle, steady gaze and reflected back to me the truth of my own perfection.
This Saturday’s full moon is in Scorpio, the watery, Mars-ruled sign of hidden depths. Like an eerie lagoon with creatures lurking in the depths, Scorpio represents the places where we hide the things that scare us. The things that scare others. The things we believe are too much or not enough. The moon illuminates as her gravity pulls them to the surface, troubling the waters. But with Mars in the Moon’s sign of Cancer, the two planets make a mutual reception, ultimately working together. And with the Sun opposing the moon from the earthy, fertile, feminine sign of Taurus, whose ruler, Venus, has just taken up residence, this lunation ultimately carries a signature of healing and growth.
Trust what arises for you during this time, whatever it may be. Let the Moon hold you in her presence as the feelings, thoughts, sensations, and emotions rise to the surface. Trust that they have a purpose. Welcome them, allow them to do their work, and when you’re ready, let them go. Take Rumi’s advice:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
On Monday the planet Mercury moves into a configuration with the Sun known as cazimi- meaning “in the heart of.” When a planet is cazimi, its powers are heightened and magnified by the sun. Together, cazimi, Mercury and the Sun ingress into Mercury’s sign of Gemini early Tuesday morning. This is a bold, auspicious beginning to Gemini season, and Mercury’s powers to facilitate exchange- exchange of ideas, communication, and commerce- will be at their height. This could be a great time to write that story, connect with others around that great idea, or finally take some steps toward starting a new venture.
I’ve written mini-horoscopes for the full moon. If you know your rising sign, you will probably find that horoscope most accurate, as it will more accurately reflect the house positions in your natal chart. But if not, you should still find some resonance with your sun sign reading.
Aries Sun and Rising
Your eighth house of death, shared resources, and other people’s money is being activated by Saturday’s full moon. Tensions and resentments around your partner’s finances or family legacies may surface. You may be reminded of debts or taxes owed, or you may struggle to make decisions regarding shared money. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed, and don’t make any big decisions for the next day or two. This is a good time to examine and release your emotional patterns around money and how it plays out in your relationships.
Taurus Sun and Rising
With the sun in your first house lighting up the moon in your 7th, your relationships are in the spotlight. You may find hidden patterns or dynamics in your partnerships coming to light, or noticing the faults in others you had previously overlooked. Stay grounded and loving, knowing that minor irritations will pass. When you can hold the truth of who someone is, warts and all, with compassion, you create the conditions for healing. When this transit is over, you can take a deeper look at what you’ve learned and decide what’s worth keeping, what’s worth working through, and what needs to be let go.
Gemini Sun and Rising
This moon lands in your sixth house of illness and hard work. No fun, I know (I’m a Gemini rising). Take the time to pay attention to the toll your work and your habits have been taking on your health. You may find yourself feeling a little sluggish, or having unexpected aches and pains. If you can, lighten up your schedule and give yourself some time to rest, repair, and reflect on how you might better support your body and your health. Are there habits and routines that are undermining your wellbeing? Unexpressed emotions being carried in your body? By taking this time to reflect you can allow any discomfort and dis-ease to become an opportunity for deeper healing.
Cancer Sun and Rising
With Scorpio your fifth house of joy, pleasure, creativity, and procreation, this full moon is a fertile time for you. Don’t be afraid to plumb the dark depths of your experience for inspiration. Take time to nurture yourself and your sensitivity during this transit, and trust the difficult feelings. You may want to journal, draw, paint, or make music, even if that doesn’t come naturally to you- you might be surprised at what emerges. For you, Cancer, everything that is hidden may eventually be revealed as the seed of something new.
Leo Sun and Rising
This full moon rises in the place that grounds you- your fourth house of parents, home, land, and ancestors. You may experience family secrets being exposed, discovering hidden water damage in your home, or learning more about where you come from. If you do ancestor work, this is a powerful time to connect with yours. Whether or not your Scorpio waters are roiled, know that this transit allows you to draw on your deepest resources- the power of untold generations, loving and hoping and dreaming you into being.
Virgo Sun and Rising
The full moon lands in your third house of neighbors, siblings, extended family, and communication. Hidden emotions and motivations may rise to the surface in your everyday relationships. Long-simmering disputes may come to a head, things left unsaid may finally be spoken, and what was peaceful on the surface may be revealed as anything but. The more you can keep yourself grounded and calm, the more your discerning, analytical nature will be of service. Trust that anything difficult that arises is merely truth being revealed...and remember that in the end, truth is what sets us free.
Libra Sun and Rising
The Scorpio full moon is lighting up your second house of personal finance and resources. You may find yourself reaping the benefits of a financial decision made earlier, or receiving communication that prompts you to take stock of your income and spending habits. It would be wise to take some time to look at your emotional patterns around money- do you spend too much in order to feel good about yourself? To be accepted by others? Do you avoid opportunities to earn because you fear failure? Do you pursue financial gain at the expense of your own deeper desires and longings? Whatever is hiding in the depths, this full moon is an opportunity to bring it to light and find some balance.
Scorpio Sun and Rising
This full moon shines its light right on you, illuminating all the parts of yourself that have lain hidden beneath the surface. Use this time to show them some extra love. You may feel some tension with other people as they trigger uncomfortable or difficult emotions. Can you learn to give yourself enough time, and space to pay attention to and trust what is arising within you? Anger, fear, sadness, longing...whatever you may be feeling, trust that the feelings arising from your body have valuable information to impart. The more loving and accepting you can be toward your hidden depths, the more you may find others reflecting that love and acceptance back to you. Don’t be surprised if someone gives you the gift of making you feel truly seen.
Sagittarius Sun and Rising
Scorpio lands in your twelfth house, the place where we tend to get knocked off course, carried away from our purpose in life, and this full moon is here to illuminate your self-sabotaging behaviors. This is one of the hardest things to look at. Do you have have unacknowledged jealousy? Anger? Desire? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of these emotions. It’s only when we let them hide beneath the surface that they are able to undermine us. This Saturday is an opportunity for you to let your darker impulses come to light before they pull you under.
Capricorn Sun and Rising
Your 11th house of friends, community, and vision is in for a shake-up as the more difficult aspects of human nature come to light. You may feel tensions or experience betrayal, frustration, or backbiting in your friend group this weekend. All relationships have their ups and downs, and only time will tell whether the difficulties that are coming up signify deeper fault lines or merely energy that needs to be aired and cleared. Stay compassionate, and remember that none of us can ever be defined by our worst moments.
Aquarius Sun and Rising
A full moon in your 10th house means your career or reputation may experience some bumps. This is a great time to reflect on whether what you devote your time and energy to is really in alignment with your deepest desires and values. Perhaps it is, but you haven’t been showing up in the way you’d like to lately. Create a safe space for yourself to feel into whatever emotions and thoughts are coming up, without judgement, and trust that they have something to teach you.
Pisces Sun and Rising
With Scorpio in your 9th house of spirituality and higher mind, you are no stranger to the insights and breakthroughs that come from the depths of feeling. You likely take to the murky depths of Scorpio like the deeply intuitive Piscean being you are. This is a time of heightened feeling and perception, and you know how to mine that for wisdom. Dive deep, have fun, and remember that not everyone is as well equipped to handle this transit as you are.
Taking a Leap of Faith
In a world that is being driven mad by fear and rage and destruction, I believe what we need, what we have always needed, is people who know who they really are. People who are listening to the call of their own souls, trusting their own inner vision, nurturing that vision with joy and love, allowing it to be purified and refined, giving themselves permission to follow it.
I’m writing this as I find myself standing on a precipice. This is not an uncommon occurrence for me. I often find myself taking leaps of faith, though in truth I have spent a fair amount of time avoiding those leaps until they become inevitable, more like falling or being pushed. I last found myself in this position two years ago, having left Los Angeles in the wake of a painful breakup. As I drove north, pushed by the need to put distance between myself and that pain, I also felt myself pulled, called by a desire to deepen and grow. I moved to the Pacific Northwest because I had a dream calling me to Puget Sound, and an intuition that I would find a teacher who would help me grow my spirit and soul.
Within a week of moving to Tacoma, WA, a friend introduced me to that teacher. I began a year long program of psychic and spiritual development, an endeavor that made me wonder at times whether I was insane and yet felt deeply nourishing. During that year of learning and growth, I had crazy, trippy synchronicities, many frustrations and disappointments, and affirmation and validation. More than anything, I learned to root myself in my own unique essence, the self that is a true expression of all that is sacred and holy, in my own unique human form. Imperfect, sometimes broken, yet always becoming, reaching for more, growing into the possibility of my purpose and potential. I learned to trust that inner self, and the greater Spirit of which I am but one expression- the Spirit that lives, moves, and speaks through me. I left LA because I felt that I had no choice, but I know too that something, someone was choosing me. A someone that is both me and yet bigger than me.
“With the drawing of this love and the voice of this calling
We shall not cease from exploration
But the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”
These lines, from TS Eliot’s The Four Quartets, have guided me for many years, so much so that I have them tattooed on my body. Every time I am pushed to take a leap, to explore beyond the boundaries of my own comfort zone, I find myself circling back around to some part of myself that I have forgotten, neglected, or misunderstood, and seeing it again with fresh eyes and experience. I am always coming home again and again, and knowing it for the first time.
Two years ago, as I made my way north, I stopped in Klamath Falls, OR, near Crater Lake, for a few nights. I had seen an advertisement for a zipline course, and, though I am very, very afraid of heights, in fact because I am afraid of heights, knew I had to do it. As I stood on the first platform, high in a douglas fir tree on the side of a mountain looking over the treetops in the valley, I peeled myself off the trunk of the tree, which I had been hugging for dear life despite all the harnesses and ropes I was attached to. Pushing past the many fears going through my head, I stood at the edge of the platform, closed my eyes, and let go of the ground beneath my feet. As I flew through the air, I leaned back into my harness, took a few deep breaths as I relaxed into it, and opened my eyes to view the wide expanse of forest beneath me. I repeated this procedure on the next platform, and the one after, and it got a little easier each time. I moved around the platforms more freely and began to enjoy zipping through the air with greater abandon.
One of the guides said later, when I shared my trick of closing my eyes and jumping, “No, don’t do that! You need to be able to see the trees, to turn to the side in case any stray branches come toward you. We keep the way clear,but you never know.” I understood his point. I’m sure he was right, but I knew I was right too. I did what I had to do to get myself off the platform and into the air, and I’m grateful to my body for knowing what I needed.
I’ve been making plans for the better part of a year to move to New York City, having felt for some time that I was being drawn there and that my time in Tacoma was only temporary. But the plans haven’t been concrete. I’ve been waiting for all the pieces to fall into place, for a smooth transition to present itself to me, to have lots of money in the bank, or the ideal house to move into. I’ve been waiting for it to feel easy. But of course, it never is. I had been planning for a move in the fall, but, not feeling ready, I was tempted to push it off to the next year. But in September, I hear that voice inside me say, “it’s time. You need to go now. Do what you need to do, but be gone by the end of October.” I’ve learned by now that if I don’t want to be pushed off a cliff, I’d better listen to that nudge and choose to jump, and trust.
As I pack up to leave Tacoma, called by that something that is both me and yet bigger than me, I find myself again in that liminal space, the jumping off point, wanting to fly, yet terrified of falling. I have a dream of creating spiritual community, but I don’t know exactly how it’s going to happen. I have friends who share my values and ideals, and a place to move to, but I don’t yet have a job. I’ll be increasing my cost of living, and potentially decreasing my pay. My car, though it is in good working order, has seen better days, and I worry that the drive cross country will put it over the edge. But I know that every time I have followed the call of my own soul, I have always been provided for. The right job comes through at the right time, I meet the right people in the right place… I know this. But it’s easy to get complacent, to want to keep my feet firmly on the ground, to forget that I know how to fly.
There’s a famous quote from Paolo Coelho’s The Alchemist: “To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only real obligation. All things are one. When you want something; all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” Now look, I know that it’s not as simple as wanting something. There’s lots of things I want that don’t come to fruition. But I still believe in the essential truth of what he’s saying here. Because the truth is, when I listen and attend to the voice of my own soul, when I nourish and cultivate it, it reveals to me my deepest desire. When I trust and affirm that desire, feed and water it with joy and love, it begins to grow. And when I take the steps of faith that it asks of me to see it come to fruition, magical things happen. I know this is true, because this has happened to me, time and time again.
It isn’t always easy to listen to that call of the soul, the voice of our deepest desire. It often feels as though the world I live in, not to mention the thoughts and fears in my own head, are plotting against it. To create a space for my deepest, truest self to grow and thrive requires determination and commitment. It requires practices of quieting all the voices in my head, learning to discern what is true and what is false. It asks me to give up everything I think I am, all the parts of myself I have constructed to get others to love me and approve of me, or to maintain stability and consistency, or power over what terrifies me, in order to come home to something more essential, more eternal, more me. To an outsider, it can look like madness. But it is like the man in the biblical parable of the pearl of great price, who sells everything he has in order to buy that pearl. He knows it’s worth it, even if nobody else does.
In a world that is being driven mad by fear and rage and destruction, I believe what we need, what we have always needed, is people who know who they really are. People who are listening to the call of their own souls, trusting their own inner vision, nurturing that vision with joy and love, allowing it to be purified and refined, giving themselves permission to follow it. I see us all like a thousand beautiful flowers growing on a hillside, blooming with love and desire and abandon. This is one of my deepest desires, and why I build spiritual community and do the one on one support work I do. My hope and prayer is that we can all learn to take the leaps of faith needed to set ourselves free.
What Does It Mean To Have Presence?
Her presence created a container, held space, for me to find my own presence. I believe she was able to do it so well because she was deeply grounded in her own soul and spirit. She didn’t need me to give her constant cues and feedback that she was doing a good job. She could hold my discomfort, I suspect, because she was so intimately familiar with and accepting of her own.
As a spiritual director, I often hear myself and colleagues talk about presence and holding space. In fact, the journal published by Spiritual Directors International is called Presence. Presence is probably the primary thing I am offering when I sit in spiritual direction with someone. But what does that mean? So often we spiritual people find ourselves using terms that feel vague and nebulous, as we deal with aspects of the human condition that do not fit into neatly defined concrete categories and reach to articulate ideals and visions that have not been fully embodied and realized. I was reminded today of of some encounters I had a few years ago that I think can help shed more light on this concept of presence and its usefulness.
A few years ago I went to see a therapist. She was very warm and affirming, which is what I think a lot of us want when we’re looking for a therapist. She was encouraging and pointed out positive things about me when I didn’t feel so great about myself. All in all, she was a very nice lady. But I began to get very frustrated when sitting in session with her. I began to notice how uncomfortable she was with pauses in the conversation. As I was recounting my experiences, I might stop as I struggled to find words or to locate a feeling or emotion within myself. She was quick to step in with suggestions for what I might be feeling, or words to soothe or affirm me. Or she would tell me a story about her own life to relate to me or reassure me, or give me her own thoughts or words of advice. She began to speak more and more to fill up, or even avoid the uncomfortable pauses.
After several sessions, I found I was listening to her more than being listened to. And I was struggling to get a word in edgewise. I didn’t want to make the therapist feel bad, especially because she was so nice and affirming, and I could tell she wanted me to like her. But finally one day, after searching for easy and tactful ways to redirect the conversation, I interrupted her and said, “I’m really sorry, but I don’t think this is working.” I was honest about how frustrated I felt, and why I felt it, while expressing gratitude for her positivity and affirmation.
I eventually found another therapist, a Jungian analyst. She was dignified and kind, and while she lacked the effusive warmth of the first woman, she had a sense of solidity and groundedness that I found calming. When I came in for a session, she would sit, silent and impassive, until I had something to say. The first time this happened, after sitting for a few minutes, I finally asked her, “Well, what do you want me to talk about?”
“This is your session,” she replied. “What do you want to talk about?”
That’s not to say that she was unresponsive. Once I got going, she would listen carefully, sometimes taking notes, and when she did ask questions and offer reflections, it seemed that they came from a deep well of comprehension and experience. When I got stuck trying to articulate an emotion or thought that was beyond my grasp, she would wait patiently, allowing me to silently map the boundaries of my experience until I could put it into words. While she occasionally offered soothing and affirmation when she sensed I needed it, it never felt like coddling or avoidance of discomfort. I always felt that I had space to be whoever I was in the moment, no matter how frustrated or uncomfortable I might be.
That, to me, is what presence looks like. Her presence created a container, held space, for me to find my own presence. I believe she was able to do it so well because she was deeply grounded in her own soul and spirit. She didn’t need me to give her constant cues and feedback that she was doing a good job. She could hold my discomfort, I suspect, because she was so intimately familiar with and accepting of her own.
This is the kind of presence that I hope to hold for my own clients as I sit with them in spiritual direction. Although I am still a work in progress, I find that the more grounded I am in an identity that exists beyond my current egoic personality (which sometimes changes from day to day), the more I can become a vessel, to hold the presence of both the person I am working with, and that of the divine- God, Spirit, the Universe. The less I need the other person to affirm me or reflect back to me the things I want to see in myself, the more open I am to being truly receptive to them. And paradoxically, the more at home- the more present- I feel within myself.
Creation
In the beginning was One.
And One was complete
And One was whole.
And when One could no longer contain its own ripe fullness
One let go, bursting forth into waves of pure energy
That moved across the vast expanse of time and space
Like streams of living water.
“Our kinship with all earth creatures is global, linking us to the whole living Gaia today. It also spans the ages, linking our material substance with all the beings that have gone before us on earth and even to the dust of exploding stars. We need new psalms and meditations to make this kinship vivid in our communal and personal devotions…At this moment we can encounter the matrix of energy of the universe that sustains the dissolution and recomposition of matter as also a heart that knows us even as we are known.”
Creation
In the beginning was One.
And One was complete
And One was whole.
And when One could no longer contain its own ripe fullness
One let go, bursting forth into waves of pure energy
That moved across the vast expanse of time and space
Like streams of living water.
And as One flowed in every direction, swirling and redoubling
The waves began to intersect and interact,
Creating new vibrational fields that coalesced as particles of matter.
And over the aeons these particles of matter, longing to know and be known,
Were drawn together in attraction.
Giving and receiving energy one to another, they began to take shape,
Forming new bonds, new structures, new relationships,
Growing worlds within worlds within worlds
The likes of which had never been known.
One gazed in delight and wonder at the multiplicity it contained,
And the rapturous flow of energy in relationship that allowed these parts to dance as a whole.
And One knew that it was Love.
One knew
As it swung in orbit round the massive burning orb,
clouds and oceans roiling in turbulent motion,
keeping time with its sister planets;
As its flames flared and flickered,
flinging white hot rays to farthest galaxies
the brightest star in a distant southern sky;
And as it sailed in multitude through an ocean of heavenly bodies
colliding and exploding with one here and one there
bringing news of distant lands.
One knew
As its thin filaments quivered with excitement,
unzipping, duplicating, in intricate choreography,
readying the birth of a new twin cell;
As it unfurled magenta petals to greet the sun,
swaying in rhythm with the hum of the bees
who were drawn to its intoxicating scent;
And as it blew across the face of the earth,
carrying seeds of life to new territory
like a messenger of hope.
One knew
As he ran through the jungle
feeling the joy of raw energy
powering his haunches, his jaws, and his roar;
As she trilled a new song
in gratitude for the gift of flight
and benediction to all the creatures of the meadow;
And as it rushed in ripples and rivulets
over sticks and stones, carrying new-spawned fish
to the wide and waiting arms of the mother sea.
One knew
As his heart pounded with anticipation,
flesh ablaze, drawn to deeper union,
leaning in in for that first kiss;
As she turned her head, having felt
the supple firmness of her mother’s breast,
to draw the willing nourishment forth;
And as it flowed through the hearts and heads of all the people
in exultant ingenuity, astounded and amazed
at all the words of their mouths and works of their hands.
One knew
As he sat in perfect stillness under the tree,
chest and shoulders aching with compassion for the suffering
of all asleep to the knowledge of One;
As she trembled in shock at the voice
of the angel of truth deep within, saying, Fear not.
For in your womb will grow a Revolution;
And as they marched the long weary road to justice,
stones and slurs hurling toward their bodies
as they demanded repentance for the ancient blasphemy,
violation of original Oneness.
One knew even
As he fell to forest floor with a thundering crash,
having stood witness some two thousand years
to the turning of the ages, of birth and death and rebirth;
As she drove across the burning desert
aching with the loss of the life she had known
yet knowing that it no longer fed her;
And as he gasped in slow, ragged breaths,
watching tears running down his daughter’s cheek
as she clasped his hand, keeping vigil to the end.
One knew, pondering these things in the warm and steady thrum of the One Heart,
That all were movements in the dance of giving and receiving, emptying and filling, discovering and letting go.
All were movements in the dance called Love.
And there was only the dance.
And there was only Love.
AND ONE SAW THAT IT WAS GOOD.
Trust Your Desire
You do not have to be good. You have to be whole. Find the messy, despicable, destructive parts of yourself. Tell them you love them. Tell them they have a place in your life. Ask them what they want to teach you. Ask them how they want to serve you.
I wrote this, stream of consciousness, writing-down-the-bones style, as part of an exercise for a class I'm taking. I read it to my friend and she told me to share it. When I did, people loved it. Funny how, as a writer, you can agonize over what to say and how to craft your sentence, and all that is eclipsed by one outburst of pure, authentic feeling.
You do not have to be good. You have to be whole. Find the messy, despicable, destructive parts of yourself. Tell them you love them. Tell them they have a place in your life. Ask them what they want to teach you. Ask them how they want to serve you. Woo your desire and your longing. Tease it, seduce it, draw it out. Let it know that it is welcome. Let it well up like a geyser erupting. Let it take you by force and remake your life. It will terrify you. It will frighten you. It may cause you to disappoint others. But it will always be true to you. Your desire can reshape the world. It is a liberating, healing balm, but it burns at first. Burns away all that is dead, outdated, no longer needed. But it will bring you home.
When you liberate yourself, you liberate others. When you are free to please yourself, you teach others to please themselves. Your desire is powerful. It is beautiful. It is gorgeous. It is leading us all on the path of evolution. Don't hold back. Don't be afraid. Trust what is coming to you. Your life is wild and precious. Don't throw it away. Please yourself, and you will please the whole world. Trust yourself, and the whole world will trust you.